5 things Hollywood needs to fix while on Hiatus

Recently I retreated into my fortified underground bunker looking to escape the post-apocalypse landscape ravaged by an unspeakable disaster concocted in a laboratory and unleashed on the world by a nefarious regime. Of course, I am speaking of The Rise of Skywalker and the annihilation of my fandom that it left in its wake. Much like Punxsutawney Phil, I emerged from my underground isolation only to discover a new virus set upon the human race, causing people to have the unnatural need to buy toilet paper and curse at each other over what is or isn’t dangerous about life in a pandemic. Naturally, I did what any normal, sane person would do I took the wife to the local grocery store, beat up an old lady and took her can of Spam and her toilet paper, ran back to the bunker and locked the door tight. Just kidding…I don’t have a wife. With time to ponder on what our beloved Hollywood should do during this forced hiatus, I have come up with a list of things that the brilliant minds (chuckle) in charge of movies should look to change when the dust settles and we emerge from our homes with bad hair and twenty extra pounds and wanting new entertainment. So read on, my fellow socially distant film fanatics, and be impressed by what a mind slowly descending into madness can come up with.

Movie Review: Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

Simple Review: I’ve got a bad feeling about this

Well, my fellow film fanatics, we have done it: we have reached the “end” of the space saga that blasted its way onto movie screens and into pop culture way back in 1977. Star Wars started my love of movies all those years ago and cursed me with a lifetime supply of useless knowledge about Jedi Knights, YT-1300 Corellian freighters and armor-clad Mandalorians ( yes I knew about them waaaaay before it was cool!). When Return of the Jedi ended in 1983 I thought my time in a galaxy far, far away was over, only to be visited again in novels and comic books, but then George Lucas decided we needed a prequel trilogy and once again we were transported back but it just wasn’t the same. After Disney bought the rights to Star Wars, we had the excitement of a new sequel trilogy that would bring back our beloved heroes and introduce us to their young replacements. What has followed has been an uneven journey back to the land of Wookies, droids, and stormtroopers all leading to the final battle of good and evil in The Rise of Skywalker. I know the question you all have for me, “Is it any good, Movie Psycho?” The only way to find out is to dive headlong into this trash compactor of a review with me and hope we get through this before the walls close in on us.

Movie Review: Jumanji: The Next Level

Simple Review: Game over, man, game over!

Greetings my fellow film fanatics! I know it has been a minute since I last graced your friendly internet neighborhood with another indelible movie review and for that, I offer my sincerest apology. Unfortunately, I have been battling a two-headed demon of procrastination and an existential crisis over the last few weeks which has made my trusty laptop a point of angst and consternation. For you, my reliable reader, I have faced this demon and once more unto the breach of this movie review blog shall I travel. Follow me as we return to the world of Jumanji with this sequel to the 2017 surprise hit of the similar name to see if it is as much fun as it’s predecessor or if your mom was right when she said video games will rot your brain!

Movie Review: Ford v Ferrari

Simple Review: ” If you ain’t first, you’re last!”

This may be a first in the long and storied history of The Movie Psycho movie review blog: reviewing two good movies in a row! I could go back through my older posts and check but I am far too lazy to waste my time on such things as research so let’s just go with my initial theory. After enjoying the somewhat flawed Doctor Sleep, I went to see the latest film from one of my favorite actors, Christian Bale, Ford v Ferrari. Imagine my delight as I walked out of the theater knowing that I will actually be able to recommend two movies…in a row! I like to inflate my ego by imagining that Hollywood big wigs are reading my reviews and have realized their movie-making mistakes and are now going to put out quality films instead of cash grabs. Hey, it is my blog and my fantasy, if you don’t like it start your own damn blog. Sorry, my A.D.D is kicking in so let’s steer this review onto the track and pray to Tom Cruise that we make it to the finish line.

Movie Review: Doctor Sleep

Simple Review: Here’s Danny!

Have you ever heard the phrase, ” Everything old is new again”? Well, that seems to be the overriding strategy of our beloved Hollywood geniuses as of late. Every time you head to your local movie playing establishment you inevitably see a preview or poster of some beloved childhood memory being rebooted or having some weird sequel that ignores half of a film franchise. One of the few films that I thought would ever be revisited was The Shinning, a film that scared the young Movie Psycho half to death, and yet a sequel novel was conjured up by everyone’s favorite horror novelist Stephen King so naturally, a film has soon followed.  Since all work and no play makes The Movie Psycho something, something let’s grab our trusty ax and break down this review of the sequel no one knew they needed, Doctor Sleep. 

Movie Review: Zombieland 2: Double Tap

Simple Review: Is it bad to route for the zombies at this point?

Here we are my fellow film fanatics, another sequel from the artistic chop shop we call Hollywood. The unique instance we find ourselves in with Zombieland 2: Double Tap is that this particular sequel is for a movie that came out ten years ago which does make it unusual as most studios pump out sequels fast and cheap to get your hard-earned money. So, you may be asking, did the filmmakers use the ten-year hiatus to craft a sequel worthy of being compared to Godfather 2, The Empire Strikes Back and Bill and Teds Bogus Journey? (yep you read that right and it IS in the top three all-time!) Let’s limber up, work on our cardio and see if Zombieland 2 has enough brains to keep these hungry zombies satisfied. 

Movie Review: Joker

Simple Review: Why so serious?

It hasn’t been a good couple of months for your friendly neighborhood clown. First, he or she has had to deal with that storm drain dwelling Pennywise and now The Joker arrives in cinemas to make clowns the last thing any kid wants to see at their birthday party! It has gotten so bad I saw a clown today in his van trying to give away free candy, the poor fellow. The demise of your local jester, however, has benefited many a filmgoer and, after all, isn’t that what is important nowadays? So let’s turn our attention to the clown prince of crime to see what controversy he has unleashed on the innocent public. Throw on your cowl and cape and let’s track down that green-haired psychopath and ask him, ” What’s with that stupid grin?”

Movie Review: Ad Astra

Simple Review: Brad’s bad space-dad

Greetings fellow film fanatics! I have missed our little expeditions into the wonderful world of cinema and I finally have a reason to invite you all back into my life, the new film Ad Astra. Who doesn’t get excited at the prospect of a new science fiction movie? The added benefit of reviewing this particular sci-fi feature is that it stars Brad Pitt so I might actually get some female readers this time! With that in mind, I will try my best to bring my A-game to this review so as to impress the ladies with my wit and charm. So let’s take our protein pills and put our helmets on to explore this space oddity for the verdict on Ad Astra.

Movie Review: It Chapter Two

Simple Review: IT is 2 damn long! (“that’s what she said”-M. Scott)

At this moment in human history, it isn’t difficult to feel sorry for anyone choosing the profession of a grease painted jester. There is a current trend to vilify the once noble clown profession which only wants to provide laughter to the masses. Thanks to John Wayne Gacy, the Joker, and Ronald McDonald the world has become terrified of anyone wearing a clown outfit. Perhaps the one that his done the most to change the love of clowns to absolute fright is none other than Pennywise the clown. Since his debut in the novel “IT” and Tim Curry’s sinister portrayal of the character in the miniseries of the same name, Pennywise has made us all leery of clowns. In 2017 Bill Skarsgärd reintroduced the world to this fiendish clown and made us all run from clowns faster than I run from broccoli. Two years later he has returned to Derry, Maine, and our local cinema to bring more crazy clown carnage (that’s alliteration kiddos) to our lives. Let’s turn on the water and see what floats in this review of It Chapter Two unless your name is Georgie, then you might want to float your boat somewhere else!

Movie Review: Ready or Not

Simple Review: A most dangerous game

A wedding is both a romantic dream come true and an event rife with frayed nerves and epic levels of anxiety, hoping everything comes together perfectly for the new couple. Once the nuptials are over the honeymoon night allows the release of stress for the newlyweds giving them one final night of fun before the marriage slowly drains the life from them until the sweet release of death sets them free from each other. That may seem jaded but let’s face it the truth hurts sometimes. The new horror/comedy Ready or Not doesn’t waste years getting to the nightmare of marriage instead a young bride learns quickly that your in-laws have only one goal: ruin your life. Allow me to act as your horror movie marriage counselor and let us work together to try to save this dysfunctional relationship before someone gets hurt, or worse, before we have to talk to the most soulless being in the universe, a divorce lawyer!