Recently I retreated into my fortified underground bunker looking to escape the post-apocalypse landscape ravaged by an unspeakable disaster concocted in a laboratory and unleashed on the world by a nefarious regime. Of course, I am speaking of The Rise of Skywalker and the annihilation of my fandom that it left in its wake. Much like Punxsutawney Phil, I emerged from my underground isolation only to discover a new virus set upon the human race, causing people to have the unnatural need to buy toilet paper and curse at each other over what is or isn’t dangerous about life in a pandemic. Naturally, I did what any normal, sane person would do I took the wife to the local grocery store, beat up an old lady and took her can of Spam and her toilet paper, ran back to the bunker and locked the door tight. Just kidding…I don’t have a wife. With time to ponder on what our beloved Hollywood should do during this forced hiatus, I have come up with a list of things that the brilliant minds (chuckle) in charge of movies should look to change when the dust settles and we emerge from our homes with bad hair and twenty extra pounds and wanting new entertainment. So read on, my fellow socially distant film fanatics, and be impressed by what a mind slowly descending into madness can come up with.
As a cinephile, I have seen my fair share of movies over the years and have noticed a few trends that have begun to creep into our escapist entertainment. Since you didn’t ask, I decided to share changes that I think would help Hollywood to bring us better quality entertainment in the near future. Since we all know how much influence opinions on the internet have on the world I am excited to see these changes implemented ASAP! I can hear you screaming, ” Get on with it, Movie Psycho”, and since you don’t like foreplay, here….we….go! ( in no particular order)
1) Enough with expanded universes!!
Yes, it worked perfectly for the MCU, but that was planned out early on in the process and Marvel stuck with the plan until it culminated in Avenger: Endgame. While that was a truly magnificent feat in modern cinema, others have tried to copy it and have failed miserably. The most obvious example has been the DCEU and the cluster-%uck that has resulted in. The most enjoyable DCEU movie have been stand-alone films such as Joker and Shazam. This has not been limited to the DCEU, as Lucasfilm has dipped its toe into the expanded universe pool by pushing out so many Star Wars films that what used to be special to me is bland and exhausting. Universal tried it with its “Dark Universe” films that were supposed to unite famed movie monsters from the past. Similarly, there has been a Conjuring expanded universe that is just lame and pointless. Enough already! Stop trying to make every damn movie interconnected with after credit scenes or characters that pop up in movies just to make a spin-off from there. How about crafting new, original ideas and let the audience dictate what we want more of and what we don’t!
2) Ease up on the forced diversity in movies
I love the diversity in all walks of life as it simply makes the human experience better and more exciting as we all get to learn more about life outside of our bubbles. I believe that Hollywood needs to have diversity in casting, writing and directing to give us all more interesting films to explore. However, forcing diversity simply for the sake of making a political point is killing the industry right now. Not every hero from the past needs to be gender or race swapped, nor do characters need to have their sexual preference exploited to rally a cause. There are movies that can and have been made to explore subjects such as race and sexual orientation and these are powerful topics to be examined, but maybe not in space fantasies and superhero films aimed at kids and immature, middle-aged dudes! I agree 100% with anyone that says there should be more superhero movies with women or whichever race you want, but gender and race swapping a character only serve to cause more people to walk away from these movies. I feel confident that in the whole of the comic book world there are plenty of strong female characters and characters of color that movies could be made of them without having to force an agenda. Make movies from that source material instead of making a well-known character a woman, or a certain color or gay. I want to see more variety in those universes so why not use other characters to give people new heroes to get excited about? Try crafting new, original ideas and let the audience dictate what we want more of and what we don’t.
3) Keep (most) actors off of social media!!
This one is self-explanatory, but they need to either get off social media or have someone around them at all times monitoring what they want to post so the crazy stuff can be stopped before it is out there for the world to see. Nothing can kill the momentum of an upcoming movie release like an actor posting some rant hating on people who eat cheeseburgers or calling anyone who doesn’t agree with you an -ist or a -phobe. It only serves to anger fans and pushes them away. Actors tend to think they are smarter than they really are so why not stop them from posting on social media and proving how dumb they can be. And try crafting new, original ideas and let the audience dictate what we want more of and what we don’t.
4) Try crafting new, original ideas
As always, I am honest with you, my reliable reader, and don’t mind sharing my personal life with you and as such I should tell you I have tried my hand at screenwriting. In doing so I have found that there are a ton of amateur screenwriters out there, most with original ideas that could be crafted into an interesting film. Yet, all we get are sequels, remakes, reboots, and soft reboots! Enough is enough! Leave beloved movies from the past alone and try creating new movies that will one day be beloved old movies. If we want to watch those movies done perfectly, then we will watch the original version. ( yes, there have been a few exceptions, but we all know I am right!) With all this technology and the new ways to get movies made and out there for the world to see, why not move away from the old stuff we already know and challenge us to find new classics to fall in love with? You may be surprised, Hollywood, at the success you could have with new ideas!
5) No more Vin Diesel
Just stop! Please! It is just sad at this point…
There you have it, movie nerds, 5 changes that I think could make movies more exciting and make us all flood the local theater to be entertained and eat more popcorn! I hope you enjoyed this silly post and if you agree or disagree feel free to let me know. Either way, it doesn’t matter to me because I am essential therefore I have to got to work tomorrow anyway!
As always, thanks for your time!!
The Movie Psycho
Ps. On a serious note, stay safe out there. Y’all mean the world to me!!